Yesterday morning, as I was installing some new plumbing, I picked up a piece of pipe that was a tad shorter than I needed.  This prompted me to think of the old construction industry standby, the pipe stretcher.  Depending on what trade you are in, or what you are doing, you may have also heard of the board stretcher, the tub stretcher, or the wire stretcher. 

I got to thinking about all the other, (and better), jokes and pranks that we have played on the apprentices, and on each other over the years.  Hopefully this will bring a smile to the face of some, and not stir up too many bad memories in others. 

The list of tools that all good journeymen will send their apprentices to look for include the solar powered flashlight, the adjustable metric crescent wrench, the left-handed hacksaw, and the glass hammer.  Remember, some of these may seem very foolish and obviously non-existent, but when a brand new green horn is focusing very hard on what the journeyman or master is telling him, these things do slip through the cracks of common sense. If you do happen to find a left-handed hacksaw, or you just settle on the more conventional right-handed version, do not be fooled into cutting any pieces of pipe over 120″.  Most of our pipe comes in lengths of 10′(120″).  I think the record for number of different ten footers that a helper has picked up (while looking for one that measures 122″) before catching on to our very funny little joke is at 4. 

Now, if you are going to use these tools, you will need a tool box to put them in.  Hopefully someone has not taken all of your tools out, screwed your box to the floor and put the tools back in.  If you happen to brake your level, you may have to go to the store to get more “bubble water”.  You may need some special supplies for the job you are working on which could include sky hooks, fallopian tubing, or ice making solution.  If your teacher sends you to Helen Hunt or Helen Waite for either of these materials, you have been duped twice.  If you did fall for any of this and actually got into your car or truck to head to the store, don’t be alarmed if you hear a “new” noise coming from what seems like your tire, but is actually your drive shaft.  A very large twist tie put onto the drive shaft may be one of the best.  I have actually witnessed somebody drive down the road very slowly with the door open for a good 5 minutes trying to diagnose the problem.  If your car or truck won’t go anywhere, you may want to check for cinder blocks underneath and a guy sitting in the sky lift laughing. 

When you get back from your trip to the store, and your coworkers are wrapping up the job.  You may be asked to do a couple of minor tasks.  If the drinking fountains are all set, you should go around and fill them all with a bucket of water.  Hopefully you didn’t forget the 5 gallon bucket of steam from the supply house to fill the boiler with.  After you have filled the drinking fountains, you should check the kitchen sink for leaks, but watch out for a rubber band on the sprayer.  That one isn’t limited to the job site, as some of our wives will attest to. 

Best wishes, and feel free to share your favorites!